Being JOY-ful!
She is dynamic! A wife. A mother. An educator. A writer. A traveler. And a complete inspiration- among other sentiments.
Having an Italian (her roots) wintery lunch in mid town New York recently with this inspiring lady was life changing.
Joy Marchese is little pocket rocket of everything that is calming for today's busy and overwhelmed parent! Taking her decades of experience as a high school teacher and Positive Discipline Trainer, and using the philosophy of '"Connection before Correction", our family home dynamics have been changed forever! From chaos to calm because sometimes we really do need to stop, breathe and hug it out. We have become far more practical, compassionate and connected after learning such small wonders from Joy's work. A word can really change everything, as she so teaches.
She really is the UKs busiest working mum!! and we love her..and she SMOKKS!!
Her new Book Positive Discipline for Todays Busy (& overwhelmed) Parent is must for all parents. (available through the site below and Amazon)
Joy really does spread JOY. Thank you xx
Positive discipline, what does that mean-
Positive Discipline is kind AND firm at the same time. Kindness teaches love. Firm teaches responsibility. Another way to say this is “Connection before Correction”. It doesn’t mean permissiveness or punishment.
How do you juggle your demanding career with a young child-
I have a great support network around me. Because my family all reside in the US I have created an extended family of friends and we support one another. That old adage, “It takes a village,” couldn’t be more true! And when I’m traveling a lot in a short amount of time I fly my mother to London or bring my husband and my baby with me.
Tell us about “Connection before Correction”-
Brain research has shown that children do better when they feel better. This does not mean feeling better because they get everything they want. They feel better because they feel connected (belonging) and responsible (significant). Thus it is very important to make a connection BEFORE you attempt a correction. One of the easiest ways to do this is to validate their feelings.
How do we really balance work, parenting and ourselves-
Understanding that you CAN have it all, just not at the same time is important. One thing that I have been applying to my life that has made a huge difference is that I don’t try to multitask. When I am with my daughter or having scheduled family time I’m not checking emails, and when I’m doing my work I’m not trying to juggle reading a story to my daughter. It’s also helpful to recognise that there will be times when home will need a bit more attention and there will be other times when work will need a bit more attention. The quantity is not as important as making sure that the time you are giving to each area is quality time.
Life in the UK vs life in the USA-
For me the quality of life in the UK/Europe resonates with my values and the life I want my daughter to experience growing up. Every place has it’s pros and it’s cons but the European lifestyle for me has less of a focus on material (only buy what you need and don’t live above your means), a great focus on family, and London is such an incredibly diverse population which I love. I think the mentality in Europe is that more people work to live instead of living to work.
The most rewarding country you teach in and why-
I can’t say that any one place is more rewarding than another. The rewarding part is teaching the next generation (who will hopefully create a better world). As an educator I get to make a positive impact on peoples lives and thus the world.
The 3 things that are important that you do for yourself-
1. Send quality time with my family (husband, daughter, and dog)
2. Spend time in nature (beach and the woods)
3. Exercise
The 5 things you cannot travel without-
Water, Essential Oils, iPhone charger, eye mask, and of course Smokks!
Why Smokks-
They are feminine, comfortable, amazingly washable and packable, and versatile (from the beach to dinner). I seriously will not travel without them!
What don’t you sacrifice as a parent-
I would like to say my well-being, but there are moments that you do sacrifice that for your child (i.e. sleep when they are teething). However, I do make it a priority to have “me time” every week. What I do have to be more conscious about is Max and I sacrificing “us time.” I think the couple relationship is one of the hardest things to not let go when you have a child.
Your favorite “curiosity’ question-
Pretty much any “what?” or “how?” question. "What do you think will happen if…?” “How do you think you’ll feel…?"
How do you connect with your daughter-
We do daily affirmations together (“you’re safe, you’re loved, you’re capable, you’re connected”). We begin most days with a bit of yoga and meditation and then every day we try to have an adventure and do one thing that’s new. And we always have a dance party before dinner (she loves music and her favourite song at the moment is “Have it All” Jason Mraz).
What’s the biggest dilemma you think parents struggle with-
Guilt is probably one of the biggest challenges for parents, along with finding balance between self, family, and career.
What makes you happy-
ME! I’m a firm believer that no-one or nothing can “make” you happy. Happiness comes from within and I’m a pretty happy person, always have been. Although being with my family (my husband, daughter and our dog) brings me greater peace and joy every single day.
Favorite Country-
That’s a tough one. I would have to say considering all factors it would have to be Malta (I’m sure this is where Max and I will retire).
Your path to motherhood-
How long do you have? Long story short it took us 6 years, 6 miscarriages, thousands of injections, and 3 people (we got an egg donor) to create our precious Chloe, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. People say you forget everything you go trough when you struggle with fertility. The painful needles being injected by your partner, the tragic losses of failed cycles, the emotional and physical trauma, the stress on your relationships (not just your partner but your friendships)...You don't forget those things but when you finally succeed you know it was all worth it in the end and you would do it all over again to bring this beautiful human being into the world.
Plane, Train, Automobile-
Train (I find them to be the most comfortable and I can get work done without getting car sick).
